How does it feel to be back from the journey of a lifetime?

“Hey Lau”, How was your trip?”, “Are you happy to be back?”, “What’s it like being back?”… I have been back for exactly two weeks today, and I know now that I will never be able to answer any of these questions in once quick sentence (which I think is often the expectation – “answer quickly so that we can get on with silly season and summer/Christmas festivities”).

Arriving back home in December might have been a crazy idea, but none the less, there are always lessons to be learnt. I have had a number of people ask me questions since I got back, I think some have been more out of courtesy than anything else, or perhaps they are too scared to hear my real answers, so quickly change the subject. Some friends that have been truly fascinated by my experiences. And some, I have still not returned their calls, because I want to have the time to talk to them properly. One friend sat me down at a mutual friend’s 40th party and asked me the most fascinating questions about how I felt and what I thought at certain stages of my trip. It was brilliant to rethink about elements of my experiences with such thought provoking questions.

What has it really been like coming back? Strange. Fun. Sad. Tiring. Welcoming. Heartwarming. Foreign. Nostalgic. Overwhelming.

My first few days back were a blur. A mixture of jet lag, a fever (possibly tick bite fever), and a rush to get some decor done for a friend’s party. I was tired, my mind busy with things I had decided to take on and I felt out-of-sorts. Sometimes I felt like I had never been away, perhaps my trip was actually a dream that did not really happen? A piece out of reality? Sometimes I felt like I had been away forever, and that I felt like a foreigner in my home country. I felt more out of place coming home, after the past two months than I did when Steve and I came back from four months in South East Asia. I did manage to get to a New Moon Red Tent with my Soul Sister, Pam, which helped me reconnect to the wonderful like minded women in my city. A few hours of sanity…however…

I got myself caught up in the whirlwind of “Silly Season” Johannesburg in December; Birthday events, Christmas presents, Christmas baking, Guests in and out of our house, getting frustrated while driving in traffic. To top it off, I had all these ideas to make every single piece of decor for my husband’s 40th birthday party, despite him telling me I didn’t need to do it all, the perfectionist and “event planner” in me came out like a tornado. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love doing decor and things for events, especially for people I love. But I can often be my own worst enemy when that creative bottle in my mind pops open and my house explodes into an ocean of glitter, glue, paint and scissors.

I have loved being back with my husband, hounds and friends, I promise I have, although it is another lesson for me in balance. I found myself exhausted, saying, I really need to get on my mat, I really need to tidy up my Zen Den and take just a few moments to breathe and meditate (why I felt I could only do yoga and mediate in once specific room – who knows?). But what did I do? I convinced myself that I didn’t have time to do that. “Once the party is over, I can get back to the necessities of my own life, I just need to get past Saturday”… I kept hearing my mindfulness teacher’s voice, “If you don’t have time to do 10 minutes of meditation, it means you need 30 minutes”. “Yes, yes Mark, I know you are right, but…”

On Sunday, 12 days after arriving back, and after a successful party was over. I finally reconnected with myself, nature and my mat. I was lying in bed at 6am wishing I could go back to sleep, knowing I needed sleep, but also knowing I needed more than sleep. After two cups of tea, I plucked up the courage to get myself to the Emmarentia Botanical Gardens to attend an outdoor yoga class by the amazing Steven Heyman of Yoga Works. Courage, you wonder? Well Steven is an incredible yoga teacher, and most of the classes or workshops of his that I have attended, have been wonderfully challenging, so I was a little nervous to challenge my exhausted body and mind that day. But, as I have experienced many times, you always get what you personally need each time you attend a yoga class; Steven taught just the class I needed. Calming, healing, nurturing, slow and mindful, teaching us the importance of a restful practice. I could connect to my body listening to every single part of me. Feeling the gentle morning breeze and the warmth of the sun, feeling the blades of grass beneath my fingers and looking up at the green trees and the bright blue sky. Just what the doctor ordered, 90 minutes on the mat and I felt like myself again. That evening, I took the dogs for a long walk to Delta Park, and I connected once again to nature… always a reminder about what brings me calm.

Yesterday, I finally got myself to my “Yoga Home”, Living Yoga, in Craighall Park. The class was so full, and I got all buzzy greeting so many yogi-friends, with excited fellow yogis about to experience a special class from visiting Jivamutki Teacher Schalk Viljoen. His message as we started the class; well it was a story about when he had got frustrated in an airport recently and how the calm nature of someone else reminded him of the Guru within. We can all be that person, that smile or that sense of calm, when everyone else is going crazy. I loved how real and honest he was about his experience, that even this amazing teacher had to keep reminding himself to reconnect to the Guru within. I felt normal.

As we started the class, chanting “Om” three times, I closed my eyes, feeling the vibration of my own voice inside, as well as the energetic vibration of all of these beautiful beings in the studio; fellow teachers, fellow students, friends, people of my yoga lineage, my special teachers, my yoga family. After an incredible class, lying in Savasana, my mind wondered to all the places I had been in Savasana on my two month journey… On my guest room floor in Kolkata, in a mountain hut in Sandkphu, a rooftop in Bodhgaya, on the banks of the Ganga in Varanasi, an Ashram in Rishikesh, a Tibetan Centre in Mcleod Ganj, a beautiful studio in Kathmandu, and a volunteer house in the Kathmandu Valley… I didn’t think about these places so much as just allowing my body and mind to softly drift from one memory to another, a reminder (once again) that that peace can be found absolutely anywhere, we just need to reconnect within.

Over the past two days, along with yoga, we have energetically cleared our house; smudge sticks, incense, the vibrations of Tibetan singing bowls, and recharged our crystals. We have hung Tibetan Prayer Flags in the garden – a wonderful reminder of peace, tranquility and connection to the 5 elements. We eaten lychees in the sun with our feet in the pool…This is the Joburg Summer that feels right.

So, am I happy to be home? Yes. Do I feel different? Yes. Do I feel the same? Yes. Do I miss India and Nepal? Yes. Is it good to be back in Joburg? Yes. Do I miss the people I connected with on my travels? Yes. Am I happy to reconnect to friends back home? Yes. Are the Dogs happy to see me? Yes. Am I happy to see the dogs? Yes. Did Steve miss me? Yes. Did I miss Steve? Yes. Do I feel different? Yes. Do I feel the same? Yes. Did I have an epiphany of what I am going to do in the future? Yes, and No. I have no specific idea what I will do, but I do know that I will make sure I stay connected to my Guru within, and to Nature, Yoga and Meditation. I will make sure that I trust my own needs, and I will trust that I am exactly where I am meant to be; Right Here, Right Now.

I have been reminded of the special resources I have right on my doorstep, to always mindfully recreate and come back to the peace I discovered on my travels.