Digging into my tool box for my own Mental Health

I suppose quite a few people have written articles and blogs about mental health. Particularly in this crazy time when the world feels upside down, we cannot connect to people like we used to and fear seems to bubble under the surface continuously.

Despite all the work I have done to improve my mental health in the past, I thought I’d share my recent experiences with you, so you know you are not alone. That even with my amazing toolbox of techniques, and the fact that I coach people in mindfulness as a profession, I have been struggling too.

Like most of you, over the past 5 months I have had some ups and some downs, I keep trying to tell myself that I am fortunate and others are having it worse (which is to an extent true). I kept telling myself that perspective was key; Others have had it worse during this pandemic, losing jobs and income, losing loved ones. What have I got to worry about?

A lot of people have been using the saying “We are all in the same storm, but we are in different boats”.

And you know what? Who on earth could have seen this coming? So some perspective on the fact that the Sh1t that is going down right now is affecting EVERYONE, across the world, is also making me realize that I can also be gentle on myself and nurture myself.

Over the past few days, I have noticed the signs of those dark deep holes of depression beckoning me, with their bony fingers saying “come, come, you know this dark place, and it is familiar to you, you might be safe in this hole”. Those days when I want to hide under a blanket and stuff my face with chocolate because it feels like the easier option.

Then I have noticed my impending anxiety, when my body starts warning me with a tight chest, tight hips, heartburn and a blocked up throat. Having arguments with myself in my head, putting myself down and telling myself to practice what I preach. Then going to the familiar by fueling this impending fear by reading the news and feeling guilty and helpless about what is happening to my friends and family in my home country.

The difference this time, is that through mindfulness I have become aware of these signs sooner than before. Some days a simple breath focused meditation or a breathing technique have helped to bring me back to my centre, Other times have not been so easy, I have had to delve deep into my toolbox to remind myself of things that help me; take the past few days as an example:

Monday: Already irritable and on edge, an altercation with the neighbour and his dog left me shaken up and anxious. I resorted to having a lot of negative conversations with myself. So before using a Guided Yoga Nidra (a deep body scan) practice to go to bed, I turned back to a book I have;  Enlightenment to Go – by David Michie. This book is a lay person’s guide to the wisdom of Shantideva, an amazing Buddhist sage who taught about the power of compassion. It is amazing that every time I pick up this book the right words jump out at me, in a little “Ah-ha” moment, like this:

Tuesday: Nervous of my husband’s impending move, leaving us in Melbourne to fly to Singapore that night and travelling during this time (don’t worry we’re hopefully joining him in a month, and he is safe and sound), I felt my heart feeling tense and my hips so tight and sore. So I delve into my toolbox; I prepared a Cacao Ceremony for the two of us.

Taught to me by the magical Lisa from LifeTrain, I burnt some sage, we danced and shook out the tension in our bodies. Feeling the healing warmth of the Cacao and beat of music through my bare feet connected to the earth, the vibration pulsing through my body brings me into a sense of freedom and letting go mentally, emotionally and physically.  And then we took the dogs for a long walk on the beach in the fresh air (through masks!) and sunshine. Connection to Mother Earth is always a sure way to bring me back to my center of peace.

Wednesday: Woke up with just me and the dogs; day 1 of lockdown alone. I was ready for this. I had a routine to start and I could do this!

I meditated, I chanted (a beautiful 21 day mantra journey from my friend, Jillian Lambert), I wrote in my journal, I took the dogs for their morning walk, cleaned the house and did an hour of yoga. And I had great plans to work on my business content in the afternoon. Instead, I crashed. I felt exhausted, so I had a nap, and woke up feeling worse than before. Feeling teary and defeated, I realised that I had been holding space in a big way for my husband, now the house was quiet, and the conversations in my head were getting louder. Now what? This started making me very fearful of a slippery slope that I have come to recognise all too often.

So AGAIN, into my toolbox…I could have easily stayed home- thank heavens for dogs. I got out the house, and walked the dogs in the park for almost 2 hours, feeling the warmth of the winter sun and having gratitude for connecting to Mother Nature. I cooked myself a super healthy veggie Dhal while dancing around the kitchen. I know that feeding my physical body with the right stuff is so important (and if I don’t I will find a way to dig into some chocolate). I then put on some tranquil music and started a Paint-by-numbers I recently purchased. Now I am no artist, but I love the feeling of painting and the sight of colours, often colouring in a Doodle Journal that my beautiful friend Brenda from Inflow Project created. This calms me, centers me and helps me become mindful of the task I am creating.

Thursday (today): Despite going to bed calm and having a good night sleep. I woke up feeling like absolute crap. My mind focused on my darling arthritic pooch, Milo, who was limping from too many fun days out. (Much like his mother he is an all or nothing kind of being). I did my morning meditation, and I did my chanting, and you know what? Both felt like I was trudging through sticky, thick, sludgy mud. They were both such an effort! BUT this is where the practice of discipline comes in. I know, from scientific studies, teachings from Mindful Revolution and from my own experience, a daily Mindfulness meditation practice is essential for my mental well-being. Another quote from Shantideva springs to mind:

Telling myself “Just for today”, “One day at a time” kept me from hiding in bed today. So I did an online High impact Pilates class (may I remind you I find doing this type of exercise is not my forte, but committing to a live class keeps me accountable) It did help me to get my endorphins going and for me to have a laugh with the others online. My body felt energised and I felt like I could face the day. I got Milo to the vet, and I bought myself some flowers to brighten up the house. I nurtured myself with some Reiki Self Healing this afternoon. And tonight, a bit of good music while a dance in the kitchen, maybe a bit of painting, and I think I might give that meditation from this morning another go…

I don’t know how I will feel tomorrow morning. I am hoping that the accumulation of positive snippets from using things in my tool box, will start to take effect. But that is not for my mind to worry about right now, because tomorrow hasn’t happened yet.

So why am I telling you all of this?

Well, because I want to help. and if something I suggest doesn’t help today, maybe it can help tomorrow. Or maybe someone else who has a different tool can help you. Each moment, each day, we may need something different to either get us going or help us be calm and self-nurture. I have opened myself up to so many teachers and healers, who have all helped me in some way. So I invite you to do the same.

So I invite you to be gentle on yourself, to stay in bed and nurture yourself for a little bit (if that is what you need). Tell friends and family that you are struggling mentally. It is important that people know.

Find ways to be open to mindfulness meditation practices and other healing methods, you never know what might resonate with you.

I invite you to connect with me, or ask me about my tool box below, if you need some inspiration.

I invite you to do something, even if it something small, just for TODAY.